violent despondence

I can feel it happening again

It’s a shame that when creativity begins to flow, I know what’s coming next

Why does it have to be the positive effects that lead to temporary demise

Yet I quietly do nothing to stop it

I think it makes me more interesting

To no one but myself

I think it makes me feel alive

But everyone around me says the real me has died

I stand with my friends

Leonard

Janis

Ashley

To me they are better than you

They understand me

We’re smarter

I’m faster

More cunning

Desirable

Fuckable

More dangerous

Manifestations hold no value anymore

You can have them I don’t care

What will your partner say?

Please

Who would love this K

He loves my laugh but not this sneer

He loves my skin but not this blood

He loves my hands but not when they shake

He loves my eyes but not when they see red

I’ve taken years

Years to fight for my life

To love all parts of me

Black, white, yellow, red and black again

He’ll have to fight too

Who though, I don’t know

I win every time

Such a beauty, such a waste

Who will love her

Nobody knows