humble beginnings
I’ve never been someone who necessarily thought they knew all there is about fashion but I certainly have my opinions. We all know that fashion is cyclical. So basically history is going to keep repeating itself whether we like it or not. I was homeschooled so lets just say my interpretation and expression of fashion was always…unique. I’m using kind language for my younger self because the little sweetie didn’t know any better. I was definitely raised with my three younger siblings in outfits that consisted of matching Timbs, lakers jerseys and yes, the matching annual 4th of July t-shirts from Old Navy. Yet when I went to private school for two grades before being homeschooled, the hair was snatched. I mean the girls weren’t doing it like me. We had uniforms so we had to do what we had to do. I had the pom-poms, the braids were laid and the cheekbones carved. I knew it too.
When I started to branch out and express my own personal style…it was all over the place but I was like ten years old. I would wear multiple belts, bangles and oversized glasses and this one faux fur cropped vest that made me feel like that b*tch. The thing is, I never cared what anyone thought. I thought I was chic, so I was and it was simple. I thank God I didn’t go to regular. school and have that part of me tarnished because to this day, I still don’t give a fuck. Like my personal style…I don’t think you could really label it as any particular one. I see something I like then I’m going to get it and style it my way. I think that’s why I did so well in my Art Direction program because I didn’t follow rules and I CERTAINLY wasn’t getting inspiration from my peers, even though they are talented at what they do.
Sometimes my fashion has deeper meaning and inspiration from designers I love like Ann Demeulemeester, Vivienne Westwood, Raf, Rick O. and Ye. But it’s kind of like I see something I like I’m going to get it and best believe I’ll be wearing that vintage Valentino men’s suit to Safeway. I’m here for a good time not a long time. Even with piercings or tattoos, everything for me when it comes to fashion is about a vibe, a message…what am I trying to say? For example, when I want to illuminate my ‘dark femme’ I am going to be in character not only mentally, but also what I’m wearing on my body. I guess I think of fashion as a way of performance art, because isn’t it? I’m the main character and these clothes are my costume. Think of Julia Fox. I fucking love her. I think because a part of me sees myself like her. Wearing lingerie to the grocery store? Iconic. It’s not even about what she or I or anyone is wearing. It all goes back to my belief about life being about the intentions we set. Then from there fashion can be an instrument to illustrate that intention. That’s why when people say they’re frustrated they can’t afford the way they want to dress, I question their intentions behind fashion.
What was my intention when I was ten years old and wore that cropped fur vest? Or when I wanted my hair braided out? Even at that age I had something to say and fashion was how I was going to do it. During Gaga’s “Fame” era I wore oversized shades and gold fringe shorts and would lay in my backyard on the lawn and read Shakespeare. I don’t even think I liked it but it was a way of being a character. I would wear platform heels in my yard and make my little sister film me walking around. In college at my Jesuit university I wore a Calvin Klein underwear set, fur coat and my Timbs. Me and my friend Grace would drive around abandoned military bases just taking photos in crazy fits. Intent? To feel fucking great. It was fun and I never felt creative. Sometimes fashion is deep and other times it’s just a catalyst for freedom. Looking back I guess I was creative all along just not in a way anyone around me knew how to identify. Now I’m writing this. Humble beginnings.
