Hi, my name is Kailyn and you can call me just that. I’m from around here, from a home full of kids, love and emptiness. I’m just like you, except I’m not. I don’t look like you, sound like you or think like you. I’m made of my mother, a woman brimming with love, acceptance and some loneliness and a father who feels familiar but I know nothing about but I live for his accolades. Two sisters and a brother who look up to me, hopefully for all the right reasons, one can only hope. Raised on Pearl Jam, Sade, a mix of 70s rock and Maya Angelou and other things. I’m full of pride and forgiveness and loyalty is my religion. I find myself always wanting to change and you may think that’s bizarre, but I can’t help it. Each day I wake up finding I can’t commit to the person I was yesterday but rather I can’t wait for tomorrow to come so I can graduate to the next version of myself. I realize there’s a duality to me, two “Kailyns” who will each have their day in the light, only I can’t control when or how that will happen. I have a mind I am so proud of, and compliments on my beauty won’t get you very far but admire my brain and you’ll have my heart. My main problem, the real issue is that I can’t promise you I’ll feel or think the way I am right now and that tomorrow that will stick. Most likely I’ll tell you I can’t make plans too far in advance and that I “live in the moment” but that’s just a clever ex- cuse to sound deep when actually I’m too scared to rely upon my own judgment. Perhaps all you can take from this is I live completely in uncertainty and conviction at the same time begging the question who is the real Kailyn? Who is in control? I am full of contradictions and ideas that cancel eachother out, and I proudly stand in my own badlands where I am unapologetic and learning everyday to accept this discomfort. Hi, my name is Kailyn. Nice to meet you.
