my attempted digital detox

After many realizations that have come to pass since my last manic episode I decided, after very little consideration to attempt a digital detox. It’s not that I am actually on Instagram, Twitter or TikTok that often but I started to realize that a lot of the content I was absorbing was beginning to become influential a bit more than I was comfortable with on my mental state. Actually to be fair, let’s say I began this detox before my last bout of mania because oddly when I’m under the influence of an episode I spend a lot of time being creative in terms of writing and photography. So, back to the detox which started about a month ago.

Now, you can take this as a guide or a recollection but I want to start by saying a few things about our phones and social media and such. It’s not far fetched to say that our phones have become a crutch. I think about how people use their phones to prevent them from experiencing not just real life but more specifically being vulnerable which is one of my biggest values. When I think of a cell phone, I think of a shield. Easy to hide behind and a structure used to conceal truth and honesty. I even think about times when you’re waiting for your coffee or in line at the store and we pull out our phones and are instantly removed the pressing present. Take this behavior and replicate it throughout a 24-hour day and how much time have you lost observing those around you. Is it a stretch to say that our phones have taken away our ability to see other humans and in turn etching away at our empathy and compassion?

It’s already a given that on social media we all create profiles to create a new persona. Even if we are accentuating or exaggerating a part of ourselves that is “true,” it’s never the whole picture of our human design. I am someone who does this. It’s performative and that’s fun and there’s no harm in it really because the intentions are good. However, it does create an illusion to others that this is the whole picture. Well, it’s not it’s just a carousel of three images and a caption that says, she’s crafty. A clever tribute to the Beastie Boys that, yes, I was proud of and it did it’s thing in the comments and the likes. I digress. Now besides creating posts that play into detracting from others ability to connect and be genuine, there’s the case of ingesting content all the time which is where my digital detox prompt comes into play.

My mornings used to begin with me waking up, immediately making coffee and having my cigarette and checking my email, Instagram and TikTok or watching my weekly tarot reading if it was posted that day. Scrolling through videos and posts of peers and other nameless and faceless creatives posting about their styling careers and published writing was all being processed and stored in some part of my brain that I was soon going to be very aware of. I could say to myself honestly, that I wasn’t affected but since I was heavy on the search for a new job as a freelance writer I found myself steadily comparing myself to them and my sense of worth was actually declining. Looking back now I can see that I was approaching a manic episode, or rather it was approaching me and I was becoming very sensitive to, well, everything and this wasn’t helping either.

As someone who is single and very much at that age of my life where I’m desiring a partner, or rather closeness and vulnerability and someone to go steady and forward and create this life together, I fell victim to every piece of bad advice that was out there. Especially already feeling so lonely as I tend to feel when an episode is approaching it was starting to take it’s toll. Such as videos about how men really are, how to make him chase you, and also the tarot readings saying that your love is either around the corner, coming back or he’s with someone else and you’re a third party. Now, I will admit at some points these * happened * to align with my reality but that’s a story for another time. Basically, it was like static noise and again, I didn’t think I was ingesting this hapless information but I was. And with mania on my back, I was believing it. All of it. Which didn’t help.

So, how did I approach this idea of a digital detox that it seems has been a buzzworthy topic as of late? I tailored it to fit my life and I was realistic. I actually have to use social media because I am a journalist and I am in they industry so I need to be updated and even post as well. I need to network and keep in touch with contacts that I know through IG exclusively. I decided that my smoke breaks are sacred. I smoke all throughout the day but I made the conscious effort that when I’m smoking I am not on my phone except for listening to music or watching something motivational on YouTube, and even that I stray from. I then abstained completely from being on my phone when I am in my room. If I’m in my room I’m either sleeping, reading, writing or watching a movie and that’s how it’s going to stay. Next, if I’m with my friends or my siblings or anyone for that matter, there’s no need to be on my phone unless I’m referring to a post or video I want to show them. Finally, I never go on social media when I’m in the car driving but if I’m in the car with someone else I am present in conversation or enjoying the scenery outside my window. I suppose I still use my phone in line at the store or while waiting for coffee but I realized those moments are fleeting and it’s really only those few minutes I need anyways to check my feed, respond to messages and check my notifications.

How’s it going so far? I am going to keep this “detox” going. It’s actually really helped my self-concept and positive self-talk. I’m still searching for the perfect job but I am hopeful. I haven’t found the forever guy (check back on that) but I’m hopeful. I feel like I’m back in alignment with my values which is to always believe that everything is always unfolding for the best and it’s shocking to me to know that I let my phone hinder that. But hey, that’s still in line with my belief that we have so much to learn and introspection is the pathway to growth. A complete digital detox is probably not possible in this day and age but tailoring a detox to meet your needs is highly recommended. You might even get a man out of it, but who am I to say?